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Eileen L. Wittig

Associate Editor

Member of: FEE Staff

Eileen Wittig is the Associate Editor and author of the Lazy Millennial column at FEE. Prior to joining FEE, Eileen worked at the non-profit Gregorian Institute, doing every job imaginable, unknowingly setting herself up for a FEE takeover and the necessity to write in the third person. Eileen graduated from Benedictine College with a BA in English after tricking everyone into thinking that she was studying Political Science, which is quite possibly the most political thing a person can do in undergraduate school. She has lived in Germany, New Hampshire, Wisconsin, and Kansas, and is excited to have made Atlanta and FEE her new home.

Eileen L. Wittig's Articles

How to Get Culture, Lazily

I accidentally "tricked" a friend into going to the symphony rather than G-Eazy. Whoops. He had a good time regardless and on the way home said he’d “forgotten how it felt to get some culture in his veins.” Thankfully, there are a lot of ways to do that now, most of which are free, and all of which are efficient and laze-inducing.

- January 19, 2017

The Leadership of The Crown

The Crown is technically about how Elizabeth, Princess of York, became Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of Her other Realms and Territories Queen, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith. But by the end of the first season, you’re not watching to see what Elizabeth does. You know what she’s going to do, even without knowing history. You’re watching her husband, Prince Philip. Because she is the crown, and he is us.

- January 10, 2017

How to Leisure Like a Lazy Millennial

You’ve done it. You’ve made it through the work week, through the traffic, and you’ve made it home. You unlock your door and wonder again how long it will take until these stupid keys are replaced with what cars already have – the ability to unlock when you get within a certain radius of the door, and the ability to open when you kick the bottom of the door.

- January 05, 2017

The 2017 Tech Wishlist

2017 should have robots, AI, automated everything. Phones are great but they’re old news. If the tech world wants to make things that’ll get us all excited, they need to make things that will let us move less, not more. JARVIS for example.

- December 29, 2016

How to Get a Side Job As Easily As Possible

If you get into a taxi you’re probably going to get someone who drives for a living, which means you won’t have the same networking opportunities. I didn’t do anything I normally wouldn’t, and suddenly I (potentially) have two jobs. I didn’t even have to drive myself to work. I had to talk to my driver, yes, but it was worth it. I entered his car with one job and left it with two.

- December 22, 2016

When You're Locked out of Your Car in 2016

If we were living in the 21st century the movies have been promising for decades, I could have flown home with my jetpack. But no. Technology had failed me, and I temporarily lost control over my life.

- December 15, 2016

Suppose the Declaration Was Written in Google Docs

The Declaration of Independence could be seen as the most perfect political document in history, inspiring millions of people for generations to fight for liberty against tyranny. But what if it had been written with Google Docs?

- December 08, 2016

How to Go Viral on Twitter

In the three years I've been on Twitter, my tweets usually get a couple retweets and a handful of likes. Three days ago my tweet got 2,200 likes and 1,500 retweets in 24 hours, and it wasn't even picked up by Buzzfeed. How does something like that happen?

- December 02, 2016

The Lazy Millennial Holiday Season Survival Guide

Unless you’re spending the holidays like Scrooge pre-epiphany – by yourself – you are about to face one of the most danger-ridden social situations of the year: the Time of Personal Questions.

- December 01, 2016

The Lazy Millennial Gift Guide

It's about that time – get ready to get serious about shopping from your couch. This is what we've been training for all year.

- November 24, 2016

How to Be a Charitable Lazy Millennial

Hint: Starbucks. The answer is Starbucks. And all the other fast food places I know you go to.

- November 17, 2016

Beer Makes the Armistice

By now we’ve all heard of the Christmas Truce of 1914, whether because we are cultured and learned citizens, or because we saw Sainsbury’s Christmas commercial a couple years ago. But no one talks about the best part of the truce – the beer.

- November 11, 2016

The Pursuit of Laziness

Capitalism and the free market are indispensable. They create jobs, make the world more exciting, showcase humanity’s creativity, yada yada yada. But let’s think about their real benefit for a moment: they find me (you) ways to stay in bed longer.

- November 10, 2016

Beautiful Together, through Advertising

Many people believe that advertising is really just modern piracy. The idea is that marketers exist to take your money and profit, and that is all. For some, this just seems crass. But does the profit motive negate the fact that marketing and advertising can influence people to be better, more culturally curious, tolerant, and globally accepting?

Must We Help Aleppo?

In August, 15 doctors in Aleppo wrote to President Obama asking for help. Fully two months later, nothing has been done, and the carnage is worse than ever. The memory of the little boy in the ambulance that tore our hearts has been lost in the dozens that have been seen since. But what if we the people skipped the middle bureaucrats and just accomplished what we wanted to happen?

- October 11, 2016

Social Media Sense and Sensibility

Social media has changed the romance game, not just within the relationship itself, but also in how the relationship is seen in the world. It used to be that, starting about six months into a relationship, you would be asked, “Sooo...do you think you want to marry them?” Now it seems the prevailing question skips to something more along the lines of, "Sooo... which Pinterest reception are you envisioning?"

- October 06, 2016

Technology Will Kill the Trolls

Toying with the trolls will only last for so long. But eventually they'll all fade away, just like email spam did.

- September 25, 2016

Praised Be the Robots! Burritos on My Balcony

This whole capitalism thing is officially vindicated in the eyes of all millennials (myself included): Chipotle is going to deliver to us by drone.

- September 15, 2016

Baby Boomer Criminals

The hashtag #HowToConfuseAMillennial was trending on Twitter the other day, and most of the top tweets were along the lines of, "Create a problem and then blame millennials for it." Another response could have been, “Commit crimes, raise the criminal rate, then tell millennials to stop being violent.”

- September 07, 2016

Syrup Smugglers Take on the Maple Mafia

Apparently it is unacceptable for a person to take something from a tree, put it in a bucket, turn it into magic-tasting sugar, and sell it without a government-mandated middle man swooping in on a snowmobile to take most of the sugar, some of the money, and all of the credit.

- August 31, 2016

Bring Back Classical Feminism

Fighting for women’s equality is a wonderful thing. But it only works if it’s fighting for equality, not total dominance, to the detriment of everyone else, without earning it.

- August 26, 2016

Russian Smugglers Renovate Road Neglected by the Government

If black market businesses can successfully build up a road under the table, imagine what "legitimate" entrepreneurs would build out in the open.

- August 24, 2016

Investing in Humanitarianism

Unless there is an economic benefit, the UN does not care about things like protecting children, empowering women, or stopping genocide. But how are fewer deaths and better lives not an economic benefit?

- July 26, 2016

If You Hate Racism, You Should Love Commerce

If racial tension just ... stopped, what would that look like? It would look like Boston and Atlanta – thriving.

- July 13, 2016

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