Mr. Dudley resides in Hot Springs, Arkansas.
Proverbs have served as common sense guidance for millennia. However, as every student of history knows, there are times when logic flees in the face of hysteria, and the world seems topsy-turvy. The ‘90s are such a time.
A man’s home is his castle. Aside from the fact the word “man” is sexist, this used to be true. Not anymore. The Comprehensive Crime Act of 1984 (a good year for its enactment, don’t you think?) has put this old-fashioned notion behind us. The Act allows your house to be seized and confiscated based on “probable cause” you may have engaged in an “illegal activity.” No conviction is necessary for this confiscation. Since modern law is so comprehensive and complex, many Americans unknowingly undertake “illegal activities” every day. Remember, ignorance of the law is no excuse. In order to get your castle back, you must hire a lawyer and file suit to prove it was never the scene of (or “used to facilitate”) any “illegal activity,” whatever that means.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. This outdated adage is no longer applicable, because, as one New Age “philosopher” has decreed, “words are the same as bullets.” Therefore, speaking ill of people is now the moral equivalent of shooting them. So-called “speech codes,” such as that being considered by the American Bar Association, provide for severe punishment for prohibited speech.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Modern jurisprudence and legal practice have shown it to be an anachronism. Affirmative action, which mandates present discrimination against one racial (or other) group as a “just remedy” for past discrimination by a different racial (or other) group, is now the law of the land. The fact that the alleged discriminator is long deceased does not enter into the equation. Clearly, under the law, past discrimination is the “fault” of the living.
Don’t cry over spilt milk. This ancient proverb does not apply if you are a modern dairy farmer. Much milk has been spilt lately because it is “contaminated” with an artificial hormone which is the exact chemical equivalent of the natural hormone which makes cows produce milk for their offspring. Groups with names like “Save Our Children” have poured out (for the TV cameras) hundreds of gallons of milk that don’t contain bovine growth hormone, and dairy farmers, are, indeed, crying over it.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Zealous reformers have obviously discarded this shopworn homily. Several billion pounds of cure are seemingly required to ensure “health care security” for all Americans. Forget the ounce of prevention—it is no longer sufficient.
A stitch in time saves nine. Similar to “an ounce of prevention,” and outdated as well.
Charity begins at home. Clearly archaic, as much of the support for “charitable” organizations comes from taxpayer dollars. According to the Urban Institute, “federal support to the nonprofit sector alone amounted to $40.4 billion in 1980.” Charities now have huge budgets. In the Atlanta area, for example, nonprofit budgets are “four times larger than the city budget,” according to Foundation News. These days, charity begins in walnut-paneled offices with deep plush carpeting and matching social agendas.
It’s an ill wind that blows nobody good. There are no such ill winds anymore. Look at Hurricane Andrew. First, the residents of Florida got clobbered by the winds themselves. On top of that, the residents of Oshkosh and Peoria got clobbered with higher taxes to pay for the damages caused by those same ill winds. Indeed.
You can’t cheat an honest man. Of course you can. Just make each and every law, rule, and regulation so obscure that even those who draft and interpret them haven’t the faintest idea what they mean. That way everyone can be cheated at the same time, and no one will be the wiser.
Take care of the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves. While you were watching your pennies, some folks in Washington started looking over your shoulder. They imposed a new retroactive tax, which relieved your hard-earned pounds of several “windfall” pence.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Not true if you are Congress. If you are in government, it is your duty to exempt yourself from all laws which affect everyone else. Feel free to remove yourself from the encircling tentacles of OSHA, CERCLA, Equal Opportunity Laws, Fair Employment Acts, Social Security, and so forth. If you actually write laws, be sure to include the phrase, “This law shall not apply to the state or any political subdivision thereof.” This way, you don’t have to worry about what others would do unto you—you are exempt by law.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. This prescription for success was obviously written in the Dark Ages. Modern times demand a totally different strategy. First, see above: have a law passed to exempt yourself from even having to try in the first place. If that doesn’t work, proclaim yourself a “victim” and demand compensation for your lack of success.
A rolling stone gathers no moss. No one has ever been able to figure out what this one means, so let’s pass a law against its use!
